I know I’m early but it’s currently consuming my Christmas and I need to get it off my chest. I wish I could be that person who can eat and enjoy and not care over Christmas but I’m not. And I don’t know if anyone’s the same but that mental seesaw from immediate gratification from the mince pies, or the Miniature Heroes, or the chocolate log, or the half tub of Pringles, or the buffet, or the social eating to the immediate lurch down into a pit of guilt is just totally draining. And so is the fear and panic wondering what the hell I’m going to have to deal with when I step on those scales in the first few days of January. It’s actually like having a Christmas food gremlin killing my Christmas spirit, and I’m sick of that feeling already by the 18th of December!
I don’t even know if I’m being ridiculous. After so many years of food issues, I honestly can’t tell any more. And I don’t even know what it’s like to enjoy food guilt free. The lucky people who don’t struggle with their weight, do they feel crap too after a Christmas binge? Or do they just not have a Christmas binge? Do they stop at two Miniature Heroes? Do they enjoy just the one mini mince pie with a cup of coffee? Do they have four Pringles and think that’s ‘just enough’? Do they genuinely ‘eat and enjoy’ and just shrug their shoulders that it’ll come off when they go back to normality in the new year? I can’t even imagine what that would feel like! I wish I could feel like that, but I’m just not wired that way! And it’s why I will always have to battle with food.
But that’s ok. It’s just meant I’ve had to learn how to find a way to cope. And I’ve had to learn how to field all the conflicting advice and ideals out there and find my own solutions.
I set myself a huge goal at the beginning of the year. I said I would lose 4 stone this year. I did 2 and a half stone. And I’ve put a good couple of pounds on in the last couple of weeks between birthdays and the run-up to Christmas. But that’s ok! I’m level-headed enough about it to know that’s not a complete failure.
I am cross with myself that this 2 and a half stone was all lost by the end of July and, since then, I’ve just messed about and ‘maintained’. I could have absolutely smashed that remaining one and a half stone from September to now, but I didn’t. For lots of reasons (getting consumed by school when I didn’t need to be, not getting straight back into routine after Texas and probably a couple do other emotional niggles that I wasn’t noticing and dealing with), I just didn’t apply myself in the same way as I had been. And I do feel like I’ve let everyone down. Especially since I was the one with the big promise on social media. I made this huge promise to change my weight and, therefore, my life. Yes, if I’d taken a ‘before and after’ photo then it would show a success story, but the part of me that holds myself to such high standards when it comes to what I’ve promised people still feels like I’ve failed. I can’t lie; I can’t be fake. I’ve achieved a lot, but I still can’t shake the fact that it’s not the four stone I promised.
But they do say that the goal stays the same; it’s just the timing that has to change. So enough wallowing. Let’s take the positives. It was a cracking start to the year and I know that a lot can be achieved in a relatively short time with some focus. I’ve also been hugely fortunate that resetting my habits has meant that I’ve been able to maintain and not pile it all back on. That’s a huge positive. I love my way of losing. I use my C9 cleanse to really go at it for a few weeks, make a huge dent and then drop steadily over the next few weeks and months. That mindset hasn’t changed and that’s fine! I’m never going to be the ‘perfect’ person with portion control who’s retrained herself to be satisfied. It’s not been in my DNA since childhood so why would I think that will ever change? Sometimes we’re just too hard on ourselves striving to change our factory settings. It’s so much better to learn to manage what you’ve got, I think. And I’m a long way towards doing that, so for that I am very grateful.
There’s a huge goal for me in 2019. I’m going to Vegas in the summer with my beautiful friend, Nina. Nina is 6’1 with a body like an Amazonian goddess, and I am like a Shetland pony. I do not want to be in Vegas feeling like a blob. I do not want a repeat of Miami where I recoiled in horror at the thought of a group bikini shot in the sea and positioned myself carefully behind the girls to avoid the whole situation. Nobody would even have noticed and there was no expectation at all, but I still felt that anger with myself that I couldn’t be loud and proud in the front in my bikini. So that’s not happening this year. I’m not feeling it again.
So, what’s to be done? Well, it’s a no brainier for me. I did a mini-C9 two weeks ago before going to London for my birthday and I dropped half a stone in 7 days, got back to pre-Texas weight and felt fab. There is no doubt in my mind that, for me, cleansing is the way forward, and it works. So I’ll be doing that at the beginning of January, no question. I’ll have that big drop straight away. I’ll have broken the Christmas binge-eating habits and I’ll be back in the zone all the way through to August again. Two and a half stone off last year. I can do that final stone and a half at least.
It’s given me such a huge boost to me to have so many people be part of this journey, either losing weight with me or cheering me on. Everyone has made such lovely comments when they can actually see that I’ve lost and been so supportive. For that I am forever grateful and I will always value and remember those people.
So I don’t know if anyone’s been feeling the same as me but there it is! The Season’s Eatings are always going to be a huge challenge for us battlers and we all have our own Christmas Food Gremlins who just keep popping up like mini-Grinches to spoil Christmas.
But those challenges will soon be past, and it will be a whole new year of opportunities to really make a difference to our weight and our health. So, please, let’s just be a little bit kind to ourselves over the next few weeks.
I’m going to be launching into weight loss with a vengeance in the new year and I would love to welcome anyone to join me in whichever way you would like. Message me for some support, do a C9 with me, ask about anything you can see me doing exercise-wise or using product-wise, come walking with me or just have my recipes if you see anything you like (as you know I’m partial to a food photo, after all!) Anything you like! I love to talk weight loss and I’ve been there and done that with it all a million times before. I might not feel exactly the same as you but I can empathise.
We’ve got one life. And I promise you I’ll reach my goal in 2019.